Stuck Inside a World of Nothingness
by A Beautiful Oblivion
Summary: Sometimes the hardest thing is forgetting. DL. WARNING: Character death! Used to be called "The Clam Took the Pearl Back"
1. Prologue

_There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought --a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a __homeless__ thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!_

- Mark Twain

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**This is just a prologue. I'm not sure if people will like this story so if I get some reviews, I'll post the rest of the story. By the way, I wrote this poem. I own it, so you can not use it without asking me first. (I don't think anyone would want to though... it's specifically written for this story)**

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_How did this happen to me?  
__I used to be the perfect little girl  
__Now I'm out on the street  
__Watching people walk by with their fancy clothes and pearls_

Lindsay Monroe sat on the corner of 13th and 3rd, barely recognizable under all the dirt and grime on her face. She was thin, and her hair was twice as long as it had been since the last time she had a haircut.

'Have any spare change?" She looked so pathetic, this one-successful girl, begging on the street.

_I'd ask for some spare change, a little money  
__Just enough to buy me some food  
__They'd all ignore me  
__When did people get so rude?_

She asked. She asked and asked, every day of every week of every month. She'd lost track of how long it'd been. She asked and it was always the same question:

"Have any spare change?"

One day, she was sitting, asking like always, when she saw a familiar face. He looked older, his face lined with wrinkles, but she knew it was him.

"Adam?"

Adam turned, hearing his name, and scanned the crowd.

"Adam? Adam Ross! It's me, Lindsay Monroe!"

Upon hearing the name, his eyes widened. He saw Lindsay smiling at him from the sidewalk, wearing clothes that hadn't been washed in over a year, her hair, long, matted, tangled, and her face covered with dirt.

He looked shocked to see her like this. Frightened, even.

_He broke me that day  
__Adam Ross, my friend  
__Backed off and ran away  
__He made me realize that this has to end_

"Lindsay… no." He started to back away.

"Adam! It's me, Lindsay. Don't you remember me?" She felt happy inside, to have someone remember her. She had been so alone.

She stood and started walking toward him, not knowing the mistake she was making.

"Stay away from me! I don't care if you're Lindsay or not, you're not the same person I knew and loved!" He looked truly scared now, and his face had gone pale.

She stopped walking, unsure of what to do.

"Just… just stay away!" Adam yelled and ran away.

"Adam?" She whispered.

_What's wrong with this city?  
__Does no one care about me?  
__Even my friends don't take pity  
__They aren't even happy to see me_

"Adam." She whispered again.

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_If I had to choose between betraying my country and betraying my friend, I hope I should have the guts to betray my country._

- Edward M. Forster

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**I hope you enjoyed that! It was actually originally Hawkes in this chapter, but I could just imagine Adam doing this. This was just the prologue, remember, so if I get some reviews, I'll post the rest of the story.**


	2. Chapter 1

_The idea of death, the fear of it, haunts the human animal like nothing else; it is a mainspring of human activity - designed largely to avoid the fatality of death, to overcome it by denying in some way that it is the final destiny of man._

- Ernest Becker

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**Well, I'm back! I got a bunch of reviews so now I'm posting the next chapter. I'm going to try to put in less writing, and more poetry. I hope you like it! **

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_I used to be the perfect little girl  
Got to work on time every day  
I even had my own pearl  
Danny Messer; he joked and never called me Lindsay_

_The day started out like any other  
I got to work, Danny kissed me  
He said he had to go visit his mother  
Said he'd be back in two days, maybe three_

"Monroe!"

Lindsay turned. Mac was striding down the hall to meet her, fire in his eyes.

"I've never heard you call me by my last name, Mac. What's-" Mac cut her off.

"Where the hell've you been? I've been looking for you for _ages_!"

"I was in the lab, running some prints through AFIS. Oh, and by the way, the results came back-" he cut her off again.

"I don't care about the damn results! I called you five times!"

Lindsay blushed. "Right. Sorry about that. My phone's out of batteries. But, if you don't want the results, them why'd you call me?"

The fire was suddenly gone, extinguished by tears, welling up in his eyes.

"Mac? What's wrong?" she asked, looking up at him.

"It's Danny." Tears started running down his cheeks.

"Yeah, he went to go visit his mom. Come to think of it, it's been four days and he said he'd be back in three. What about Danny?" she asked, starting to worry something had happened. "Is his mother alright?"

"His mother's fine. It's about him."

"Mac, can you just tell me what's going on? The suspense is killing me."

"I'm sorry, Lindsay. Danny… he's gone."

She looked stunned. "Wh-what?"

"He's dead."

_The funeral was okay  
Afterwards Stella asked to talk to me  
She told me Danny had had a surprise for me on my birthday  
Said he was going to ask those magic words; "Marry me."_

_I couldn't take it  
I fell to me knees  
They put you in a casket  
Why'd you have to leave?_

_I was never the same  
I came to work one of three times  
I only had myself to blame  
Letting you go was a crime_

_After a year I was still in pain  
I still didn't come to work  
I lashed out again and again  
I knew I was being a jerk_

"Hey, Lindsay." Hawkes walked up to her. "I got the results back-"

"Hawkes! I'm busy, can't you see that?" She snapped at him.

He looked at the screen. There was a fingerprint entry, and there was a little flashing box saying there was no match. He looked down at the time of entry. 2:30. **(A/N: I don't actually know if there's a TOE, but I just put it there so don't get mad at me if there isn't)** That meant she'd been sitting there for about half an hour, doing nothing.

"No… but I'll go anyway." Everyone knew to just leave her alone when she was like this.

_One day Mac asked to talk to me  
I knew what he was going to do  
He said, "I know you miss Danny  
We all want him back too"_

"_But you can't keep skipping work every day  
You eventually have to get over it"  
I cut him off "Mac, I know what you're going to say  
So I'll do it for you. I quit"_

_I strode out the door  
With as much dignity as I had  
But my tears still dripped onto the floor  
People stared at me from inside the lab_

_Stella wanted to know why  
I told her I was sick  
I didn't want anyone to pry  
Let Mac tell them why I quit_

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_And now, I have no home  
I'm sitting, begging for money  
This wouldn't have happened if Danny wasn't gone  
And Adam just ran away_

She sat there in an ally, stunned. How could he do this to her? How could Danny do this? How could Adam just… run away like that?

"_This is my fault, not Adam's, not Danny's, not anyone's." _She thought to herself. _"If I just curled up and died now, no one would notice or care."_

She smiled at the thought of letting go, not having to care anymore. Not having these stupid human emotions.

_I looked up and was staring down the barrel of a gun  
The man was wearing a mask  
He told me that my life was over  
But first I would have to perform a task_

She looked up and saw black. That was it. _"What is going on?" _she thought in panic. But then the black adjusted. She saw it was the barrel of a gun. She looked up and down the dark alley. No one. All she could see was the streetlight at the end of the alley, about twenty feet away.

"Hello, sweetheart." She heard a voice. It was coming from behind the gun. She looked and saw a man wearing a balaclava. It was pink. She gasped and tried to stifle a laugh.

"Something funny?" he yelled at her, and pressed the gun to her temple. She shook her head no, tears cutting lines through the dirt on her face.

"Your life is going to be over very shortly, my dear. But first, I want you to do something." He stroked her cheek.

She was still staring at the gun. Somehow, it looked… familiar.

"I want you to remove your clothing. And just lie on your back, no struggling, or I won't just kill you. I will make it the most painful thing you've ever experienced."

She boldly looked up at him. "No."

He looked enraged. "No? _NO?! _You don't say _no _to me!" He suddenly became very calm. "I'll tell you one more time. Do what I ask, and nothing will happen."

"Even if I _do _do what you ask, you'll just kill me afterwards. So no." she was looking very smug for someone about to die.

"Alright. I could've just put a bullet through your head and be done with it. But since you're giving me attitude…" he pointed the gun at her foot. "Do it. _Now._"

"I dare you." She whispered to him.

He did it. A bullet went right through her foot. She screamed in pain and grabbed her foot, trying to stop the blood.

He pointed the gun at her head once again. "Do. It." He said through clenched teeth.

She was gasping in pain, but still managed to choke out the word, "No."

He yelled and shot her in the back. She screamed again.

_I refused to do what he wanted; even though he held a gun to my head  
So he put a bullet in my back  
Left me there for dead  
The world started to go black_

And right there, in that alley, Lindsay Monroe died.

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_A brief candle; both ends burning  
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning  
A friend to share the lonesome times  
A handshake and a sip of wine _

_  
So say it loud and let it ring  
We are all a part of everything  
The future, present and the past  
Fly on proud bird  
You're free at last._

- Charlie Daniels

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**And there you have it folks, my story. Possible epilogue, maybe a sequel. Reviews would be greatly appreciated. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) You can come up with how Danny died, I like for people to still be thinking when they read my stories. **


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